However while Kieran had escaped his lower-class background, he wasn’t accepted by his new peers either. Kieran hadn’t grown up with money, he didn’t have the same fashion sense, the same taste in food, he hadn’t travelled the world and everyone he met or worked with knew that almost instantly. Kieran had no friends, he tried desperately to blend in but it never quite worked, he often spent his free time at the gym or else he would be alone at his luxury townhouse. Even finding a partner was difficult for Kieran in the new affluent area he lived in, no matter how many selfies he took for his dating app he never got any responses.
“I wish it wasn’t so hard, I wish I had a place where I fit in”
Within seconds Kieran’s vision was blurred by a green haze, his world spun before him as his house faded away and a new environment appeared amongst the green fog. Kieran coughed and rubbed his eyes; he stumbled and fell to the floor as the last of the green smoke cleared, what had just happened? As Kieran tried to recover he noticed something felt odd, instead of feeling his heated, wooden floors, he was touching something soft instead. As Kieran’s vision cleared he was not met with varnished oak floorboards but with a stained and somewhat sticky green carpet. Kieran was confused, the mould green coloured carpet was something Kieran would never buy, but for some reason it was in his house, however as Kieran gathered himself and stood up he realised he was no longer at home. Kieran froze in place, had he been kidnapped? Was that green smoke some sort of knock out gas? Kieran tried to think who would want to kidnap him but more importantly he was trying to figure out why his abductors would take him here, to what looked like a neglected bedroom with the door wide open.
The room was tiny, almost half the size of his en-suite bathroom, the carpet was filthy, the furniture was broken and chipped, but somehow it seemed familiar to him. Kieran slowly shuffled towards the door studying the room as he did, the walls were covered in England flags, football posters and ripped out pages of dirty magazines. There were empty beer cans on the floor, ashtrays overflowing with cigarettes and a cracked mirror with a gold chain draped over the corner. The eerie feeling that Kieran knew this bedroom just kept nagging at him as he took another step towards the door. It was only when Kieran noticed that the tiny bedroom had two single beds, one neatly made and clean, while the other was dirty and messy that he finally knew where he was. The old, faded wooden letter K above the neatly made bed gave it away, he wasn’t in some kidnapper’s lair, he was in his own childhood bedroom. Almost instinctively Kieran made a run for the door but before he could a wisp of green smoke rushed past him and slammed it shut. Kieran grabbed the door handle and violently pulled at it, but no matter how hard he tried the door wouldn’t budge. How did he get here? Why was he here? He had tried so hard to get away from this dingy little room he had shared with two of his brothers. Kieran recoiled in disdain at the memories of his oldest and youngest brothers having to share beds because of the lack of space and the nightmare of not having any privacy at all, thankfully being a middle child meant a bed on his own but that was a small consolation in such a crowded house. Kieran banged on the door loudly, what had his family done?
“Guys! What the fuck? Let me out and let me go home!” Kieran wailed in anger and frustration, he thought he had been abducted but it was just his idiot family, what were they thinking?
However no matter how much Kieran banged on the door no one seemed to answer and even with his large biceps Kieran was unable to make the door move. Defeated Kieran went and sat on his childhood bed; the old frame creaked under his muscular, adult weight. Kieran looked around the room until he found his own face in his reflection on the wardrobe mirror. He never thought he would see this bedroom again, but now here he was sitting on his old bed in his sweaty gym clothes staring at his reflection, trapped by his family. Kieran sighed he wasn’t supposed to be here. That’s when Kieran heard something ominous that sent chills down his spine, a mischievous voice whispering two little words.
“Fit in”
Almost as soon as Kieran heard the mysterious words he felt strange, his body felt weaker all of a sudden, like he had run for miles. Kieran looked down at himself and instantly jumped up; his bulging biceps were deflating in front of his very eyes. Kieran almost couldn’t believe it as he saw the muscle he had spent years building drain away from his arms. Kieran leapt over to the wardrobe mirror to inspect his reflection to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating, but as he stared at his reflection he noticed that not just his arms were changing. His once proud, puffed up chest seemed to shrink away, his once perky pecs seemed to dissolve into his body and his thick legs seemed to slim down and become more lean and slender. Kieran’s once tight fitting gym clothes now hung loosely around his much skinnier frame, however he didn’t have to worry about getting new clothes as he watched them slowly change as well. His tight red leggings starting crawling up his now slender legs becoming baggier as the travelled upwards. The deep red colour quickly changed to blue and a thick yellow stripe appeared down the side as they finished becoming a pair of worn shorts. Kieran’s once stretched muscle shirt, quickly became loose, the sleeves dissolving away, the colour changing to a matching blue but with burgundy stripes this time and an emblem of a Spanish football team appeared on the chest. The team’s sponsor quickly materialised across his stomach but with a crude and obvious spelling mistake, telling everyone that the shirt was fake. Kieran’s white socks started to grow as they crawled up his legs covering what his shorts no longer did; they too turned a deep blue to match the rest of his new unfamiliar outfit. Lastly Kieran’s expensive trainers elevated from the ground as hard metal studs appeared on the bottom, the same blue invaded the stitching and generous coating of wet mud covered it up. Kieran looked down at himself and then back to his reflection, within seconds he had lost his muscular, fitness model body and expensive gym clothes and gained the physique of a football player and some knock off kit of a foreign team.
“NO NO NO” Kieran shouted as he almost ripped the cheap football shirt away from his body. “I don’t want to be like them” he shouted furiously as he kicked off the muddy boots and tugged down the fake shorts. Kieran was left naked in his childhood bedroom seething with rage; whether this was some kind of trick or some twisted revenge his family had planned Kieran could not stop the rage from building inside him. Kieran physically could not contain his anger anymore as he threw a punch at the wardrobe door causing it to splinter and buckle. “I DON’T WANT TO FIT IN HERE” he yelled. The door hung limply on one of its hinges as Kieran took fast deep breaths, it took a few minutes but Kieran was able to calm himself down. Kieran was almost frightened at he looked at his fist and then the broken door, he had never felt rage so intense and he would never normally have acted so illogically before, something wasn’t just changing his appearance it was changing his personality to. However before Kieran could contemplate on it any further another ominous whisper rang through the room.
“Fit in”
Kieran looked around for the source of the taunting whisper but as he spun around he saw he was still alone. The anger began to build once more but Kieran started to take deep breaths, he didn’t want to lash out again. He stared at his naked reflection and the broken door next to it, he needed to get some clothes, he needed to get out of this room and he needed to get far, far away. Kieran went to start banging on the door again but a small green wisp darted across his crotch and then the rest of his body. Kieran suddenly felt more relaxed being naked; he looked at his reflection again as he walked towards the door, why was he so worried about finding clothes. Kieran stopped and stared at his body; he was in shape and had a nice fat dick why would he need to cover up? Kieran then grabbed at his dick and posed in the mirror, he looked good. He stared at his semi hard dick and flat stomach and smiled he was definitely the most attractive out of all his brothers. Wait! Kieran shook his head, what was he thinking? He needed to get out of here, why was he so enamoured with his physique?, He had, had a much more muscular body only moments ago, but no matter how much Kieran reasoned with himself he couldn’t take his eyes off his reflection. Kieran couldn’t help himself as he pulled a double bicep pose in the mirror; he barely even noticed the new pair of cheap football themed underwear that materialised over his crotch.
“Fit in”
Pain rippled through Kieran’s body causing him to bellow and scream, tiny sharp pin pricks of agony tore up and down his left arm, chest and ass. Kieran quickly turned back to the mirror to see what was happening to his body, the pain was almost unbearable. Kieran looked at the places on his body where the pain seemed to be emanating and noticed them rapidly getting darker. Black ink bled through Kieran’s skin as tattoos appeared on his once clean, smooth body. Kieran watched in horror as his whole left arm nearly turned black with the vast amount of ink that was embedding itself permanently into his skin. Kieran cringed as he watched tattoos of English roses, poppies, union jacks; bulldogs and tacky quotes appeared all along his sleeve. His chest burned as a football team’s emblem and logo appeared, his obsession with football now permanently engraved onto his body. Kieran could have cried as he stared at the new additions to his body, Kieran had never wanted a tattoo even when his brothers all had got one on their sixteenth birthday he had refused, but now he was covered in them and he probably had more than any of his brothers. Kieran didn’t want this; he wanted to be different but now had the permanent markings of a working class Brit that was defiantly patriotic and obsessed with the beautiful game. He would never be able to go back to working at his bank with these tattoos poking through his shirt.
“What the fuck is going on here! I don’t want to fit in here!” Kieran screamed at his own reflection. “I’ve worked my whole life to get away from this crap house and my scummy family, I don’t want to fit in with them, they’re trash!” Kieran yelled, the rage bubbling causing his face to go red. “I deserve better, I deserve a proper life, I deserve to fit in with high society not the lower class morons, I deserve more!” Kieran then lashed out once more swinging his fist into the broken wardrobe door sending it flying off its hinges. Kieran stood red-faced breathing heavily from his mouth and blood seeping from his knuckles. The trickster heard him loud and clear, Kieran wanted more and he was going to get it, so instead of a whisper a loud booming cackle radiated throughout the room.
“FIT IN”
The deafening voice instantly snapped Kieran out of his rage as the thunderous cackling vibrated his entire body. The vibrations coursed through Kieran’s entire physique until they settled on his face and a numbing spread over it. Kieran immediately started to panic as he looked into the mirror and touched his dulling face. At first it was unnoticeable, small subtle changes that made Kieran’s objectively good-looking face become less beautiful. However as another loud cackle rung out through the room those changes quickly sped up. Kieran didn’t know what to do as his entire head ached as his facial structure reconfigured, his round tapered head start to stretch out, his face looking long and droopy. Kieran watched in terror as his cute button nose, elongated, flattened and became crooked and quickly became a nose that had been broken more than once. His bright eyes went dull and deep bags and dark circles appeared underneath them. Kieran’s face already looked remarkably different but the numbing still seemed to spread.
“Please no, stop I’m sorry!” Kieran pleaded as he watched his cute boy next door look disappear.
Kieran put his hands on his head as his stylish haircut disappeared. He tried desperately to grab at his hair as it retreated back into his skull leaving him with shaven sides and a poorly cut slab of hair on top. Gone was his seventy pound haircut done professionally at the barbers, replaced with a shoddy job done by his brother with a shaver. Kieran then watched as his bottom lip engorged giving a fat bottom lip and an aching ran through his mouth as he teeth yellowed and some just outright disappeared.
“NO STOP THIS PLEASE” Kieran was almost crying as his handsome face continued to be destroyed. “PLEASE I’LL DO ANYTHING, PLEASE STOP” however the Trickster was only appeasing Kieran as he gave him more.
Kieran wept as the procedure he had as a teenager was undone, his ears grew large, long and wide and stuck out from the sides of his head. His once preened and plucked eyebrows grew wildly and out of control, now taking up most of much larger forehead. His neck started to grow while also becoming skinnier making his head look even longer and larger. Finally, Kieran could only cry as his lower jaw suddenly seemed to be too heavy for him causing his mouth to drop and hang open permanently. Kieran couldn’t believe he was staring at himself in the mirror, but yet he had just watched his previous handsome features bulge and ripple into the face it was now. Instead of a handsome, successful city banker looking back at him, Kieran was faced with the reflection of a dumb, mouth breathing lower class chav.
“Please, no more. I get it, I fit in. No matter how much I wanted something better, this is where I belong. Just please let me go” Kieran slumped against the mirror. However in his mind thoughts of running away and starting a new life were racing through his brain, it would be difficult but it was still possible Kieran thought. However as those thoughts raced through his mind defying what he had said out loud another terrifying roar echoed through Kieran’s room.
“FIT IN”
“Fuck no, why the fuck you go and do that like?” Kieran instantly cupped his hands over his mouth. Kieran didn’t want to believe what had just happened. “Shit, come on bruv, you can’ ‘ave fuckin change me voice, you gotta change it fuckin ack” Kieran tried frantically to talk properly, to stop swearing after every other word, to stop himself from mispronouncing words and to stop ending sentences with like or bruv, but it was pointless. Kieran’s words seemed to be going through a translator; whatever he thought he was going to say came out as some violent, swearing gibberish only understandable to other scallies like him. “Naa mate, make it the fuck STOP!” Kieran cringed as his high pitched screeching accent he had tried so desperately to get rid of came back stronger and harsher. Whatever he said would now be a challenge for anyone to understand even people with the same accent as his. As Kieran listened to his new voice and accent he couldn’t help but get upset again, the voice and accent he had worked so hard to get rid of was back and now would be impossible to shift, he would always have this screeching, throaty accent no matter how he tried to get rid of it. Kieran tried one last time to plead for sympathy, his harsh accent offending his ears as he spoke.
“Please mate, let me go” Kieran said to his own reflection, but even he couldn’t stop the anger building once again and that only got worse as the dreaded words found their way into his ears once more.
“FIT IN”
Kieran didn’t know whether to cry or start punching things as green smoke darted across his body and a new more suitable outfit appeared on his body. Kieran watched as a bright white polo shirt materialised over his chest, the brand looked expensive but the feel told Kieran instantly it was a cheap fake, the collar then popped up and surrounded his longer neck. Next a pair of bright white tracksuit bottoms and matching jacket appeared on his legs and torso, the clothing was painfully clean meaning the white of his clothes would make him the most visible in any crowd. To match his white polo and tracksuit a pair of brand new white trainers appeared on his feet, the brand was unknown to Kieran but his memories told him they were the most expensive part of his new ensemble. Following quickly was a matching white baseball cap, something Kieran had always avoided wearing due to his brother having an obsession with them. A new memory of having to wear it to hide his face from security cameras, told Kieran why his brothers may have had an obsession with them. Then finally the finishing touches solidified Kieran’s new look from posh suited banker, it scummy lower class chav. A pair of large diamante earring pierced themselves into both of his ears, a large heavy gold plated chain hung around his neck and huge, extravagant gold watch attached itself to his wrist. Finally several slits appeared in Kieran’s bushy eyebrows, something his brother had done while cutting his hair to make him look “Peng”. Kieran was now dressed exactly like his brothers, in fake designer gear with cheap jewellery sparkling all over his body. Kieran had become what he hated most, he had been transformed into a low-class, no style, violent scally.
“You fink you can make a mug outta me? Make me look like a twat?” Kieran shouted, the fury building so much inside he no longer cared about his thick accent, ridiculous clothes or scally body, he would overcome this just like he managed to escape his home once before.
“You fink you beat me, naaa bruv! I can still leave, I can still ditch this shit life and make a name for me self. I knows I’mma betta than dis, I’m betta than dis crappy life ma dumbass brothas are trapped in. I’mma above dem, I’m betta than dem and I will ave the life I deserve” Kieran’s face was red with rage; spit drooled down the side of his mouth as he gritted his teeth. He had faced adversity before and he was not going to let this beat him.
However as Kieran stood growling at his reflection the room around him turned dark, green smoke flooded his surroundings as the room was filled with a deep, crazy cackle. Instead of lashing out Kieran’s body instantly retreated in on itself, his furious expression soon turned to fear as the green smoke encircled him trapping him in a tornado of smoke while being taunted by devious laughter. Kieran’s bravado and rage dissipated leaving a frightened scally lad at the mercy of whatever changes were next. Kieran grabbed the sides of his head in pain as the two life destroying words echoed throughout the room and green smoke forced its way into his brain.
“FIT IN”
Kieran felt as if his head was in a washing machine, the room spinning as memories wiped themselves from his head. Gone was any memory of moving to the city, gone was any memory of wanting to move away and gone was any notion of wanting to leave his family.
“NO NO NO, Fuck get outta ma head” Kieran screamed as his ambitions and future plans were wiped away, he knew he had lived in the city but he couldn’t remember which one. Kieran knew he wanted a better life and that he had moved away and got a good job but now he couldn’t recall what the job even was.
The green smoke continued its assault on Kieran’s mind as he tried desperately to shake t from his head. Gone was any memory of him working as a banker, gone was any memory of him earning more than the minimum wage and gone was any activity he enjoyed and replaced with football and drinking. Kieran knew these memories weren’t true but he had no recollection of ever having a well-paid job, in fact he would never change his job he got to work with his family. Kieran’s eyes went wide as he realised what his new permanent job was going to be and he cried out for mercy.
“NO PLEASE, ANYTHING BUT THAT! I DON’T WANNA BE IN THE FAMILY BUSINESS” Kieran cried tears now running down his face as his reality was twisted and warped. Memories of working with his brothers, Deano and Gaz for the family business in waste disposal. New depressing memories of long drives in the tatty white van with his brothers, driving to events to clean out portable toilets and collecting rubbish. Memories of sitting in between his burly siblings, eating greasy takeout food, smoking cigarettes and smelling their rank farts and burps filled his mind. Kieran was no longer a successful, high earning banker, but a low class, toilet cleaner who spent most of the work day rating his brother’s farts on smell and sound. All Kieran could do was cry as his life was rewritten, erasing everything he had worked so hard to achieve and replacing it with everything he had tried so hard to avoid. Kieran looked at his pathetic sobbing reflection and slumped to his knees, the only fight left in him allowed him to mumble one last plea of pity.
“Please. No more” was all the broken man had to say.
However that plea went ignored as the green smoke finished the last of its devastating work. Kieran’s brain began to empty, like water down a drain, Kieran’s school education dwindled away to that of a twelve year olds. His reading and writing skills reduced to that of a child’s and his math skills almost non-existent, knowledge of current events and politics disappeared only to be replaced with the opinions of a cheap tabloid newspaper. Memories and experiences of books, plays or films drained away and were replaced with knowledge on cleaning septic tanks and what best porno magazines to buy. Kieran could only weep for his education and former life as he knew the green smoke planned to make sure he never left his home, his family or this life ever again.
As quickly as the green smoke had invaded the room it had disappeared, leaving a very distraught Kieran staring at his new unfamiliar reflection, wearing his new unfamiliar clothes and with his new unfamiliar memories. Kieran didn’t have much time to react as the bedroom door swung open and a very familiar face walked in.
“Oi oi Keano what the fuck you doin on the floor den” Gaz said as he bowled into the room.
“Oi earf to Keano, Bruv you need ta get your arse in gear we ave work” Gaz said as he pulled on a grimy old tank top.
Kieran couldn’t do it, he couldn’t stay here he couldn’t be like his brothers, it would be difficult now with his lack of education and his scally looks but he could still make it big? He must have some saving right? Kieran was just about to make a run for it when Gaz stood in the doorway, his arms folded and a stern expression on his face.
“Keano! You twat get goin. I aint aving you late on your first day” Gaz growled
Kieran was confused, first day?
“FIT IN”
“NOOOOOOOOOOO” Kieran wailed as his body began to shrink, his brother growing taller as he rapidly lost inches from his own height. Kieran turned and stared at his reflection as his face and body became younger before his very eyes, his maturity and experience of age disappearing. Kieran could only wail with defeat as acne appeared on his face, his penis shrank, his facial hair disappeared and he regained his virginity. His perfect posture slumped to that of a lazy teen, his voice was raised a few octaves and his knowledge of sex and naked women became the pictures in the porno magazines his brother let him look at. No longer was he an independent, confident adult but an immature and cocky sixteen year old chav lad. Kieran would now get to live out all those years he had missed out on when he moved away; he would get to experience family life for another eleven years. Kieran looked up pleadingly at his brother who was now at least a foot and a half taller than him, within seconds Kieran had been relegated to the youngest brother of the family, the lazy, dumbass Keano.
“Quit fuckin whining Keano and get in the fuckin van” Gaz yelled snapping Kieran out of his pity.
Kieran had no choice as he body took control and marched itself downstairs and out the front door. Kieran tried to resist and make a break for it, but where would he go? He had no money, he had no education and he had no contacts, all he had was his family and the family business, so with his head hung down he opened the van door and sat in the middle seat. Soon enough his two much older and bigger brothers sat either side of him, squishing him in between his bulk. As they drove Gaz tucked into serval large, greasy sausage rolls and more than once he lent to one side his ass pointing at Kieran and let rip loud and groaning farts. Both Kieran’s brothers chuckled dumbly while Kieran was forced to inhale the foul smell.
“Hey Keano how would rate that one? They sure are going to be bad later in bed” Gaz laughed.
Kieran had to stop himself from crying as he responded with a miserable 10, he would now be sharing a bed with this disgusting, stinky behemoth a far cry from the king-size bed he had once owned in his own home. The van soon pulled up at what looked like a building site, Kieran was all to pleased to be free of the foul smelling van as he followed his brothers to a small building next to the site.
“Aite Big Jon, dis is me little bruv Keano, he’s gonna be elping out from now on” Gaz said proudly as he shook the hand of a large, rough, beer bellied man.
“Ah well good luck to ya lad, now make sure he’s kitted out before you start” Big Jon smiled as he walked away. Kieran out the corner of his eye saw the big man walk out onto the site and grab some poor guy’s head and shove it in his fat ass, before walking away laughing to himself and leaving the guy gagging from the ass assault.
“Oi Keano over here” Gaz shouted snapping Kieran out of his day dream. Kieran wanted to burst into tears when he saw the high visibility jacket in Gaz’s hands. Kieran was supposed to have been successful, he was supposed to have left this life far behind, he was supposed to have gone on to bigger and better things, but here he was wearing the grimy, B.O smelling workmen’s uniform he had tried so desperately to avoid. Kieran was about to walk out onto the site when Deano called him back.
“Here you are bruv, you’ll need one of these. That’s pucker you’re gonna fit right in ere” His older brother laughed as he plonked a hard hat on to Kieran’s head. Deano walked away to leave Kieran to cry at his new reflection. He was Keano now, the football obsessed, irrationally angry, poorly educated, needlessly cocky, teenage chav and he fit in just perfectly.
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